I remember the day when I was sitting on the floor in my room, surrounded by books on personal development, notes from workshops, and unfinished goal lists. I was exhausted. And it wasn’t just ordinary fatigue – it was something deeper. Tiredness… of myself.
Do you know that feeling? As if you are constantly fighting, but not with someone outside, but with your own reflection in the mirror. As if whatever you did, it was still not “good enough”, “conscious enough”, “calm enough”.
You are not alone. I meet such people every day – in my office, at workshops, in comments under articles. People who look organized from the outside but are waging a constant war inside.
This internal war is like a silent killer. No one sees it, but it slowly eats us from the inside. We fight our own emotions as if they were enemies. We reject parts of ourselves that seem “imperfect”. And – most bitterly – we often do all this in the name of development.
In this article, I want to take you on a journey. I don’t promise a magical transformation. Instead, I will show you the path I have taken – from constant struggle to moments of true peace. From “fixing myself” to simply… being myself.
If you prefer a video format, I invite you to watch my YouTube video with the same title: “The End of the Inner War: How to Find Peace Within Yourself”.
Your Inner War: Where Does It Come From?
I remember how one of the participants of my workshop confided. She was professionally successful, had a loving family, meditated regularly. And yet during our conversation, she confessed through tears: ‘I feel like a fraud. As if I’m constantly pretending to have everything under control’
The inner war is not something that only happens to people in crisis. It often rages strongest in those who seem “to have everything together” from the outside.
Where Does This Conflict Come From?
The Critic’s Voice That Never Sleeps Do you know this guy? That voice in your head that constantly comments: “You did it again”, “You’re not mindful enough”, “Others are doing better”. It’s not your enemy – it’s a part of you that once thought it would protect you from rejection and pain. The problem is, this strategy started eating you from the inside.
Addiction to Control When was the last time you allowed yourself to completely rest – without guilt? Without thinking about what you “should” be doing? For many of us, control has become a drug. We believe that if we just try hard enough, everything will be perfect. Control gives the illusion of safety – but it takes away freedom.
The Trap of Constant “Becoming” During bodywork, I often ask: “What do you feel NOW?”. And I see how hard it is for people to be in the present. We are so focused on who we “will be” (calmer, more aware, happier) that we forget who we are now. The future becomes a prison.
What Does This War Give You?
I once asked a client, Mark, why he was working so hard on himself. He replied without hesitation: “To be a better person”. But when I probed deeper, it turned out that behind it was fear. Fear that if he stopped controlling himself, everything would fall apart.
The inner war gives the illusion of control. But at what cost?
- Constant Tension in the Body – Your body knows when you are fighting with yourself. Tension in the shoulders, back pain, sleep problems – these can be physical traces of your inner war.
- Emotional Exhaustion – When you constantly analyze your feelings instead of experiencing them, you become an observer of your own life, not a participant.
- Spiritual Burnout – The saddest thing is that the inner war often leads to cynicism towards spiritual practices. “Why meditate if I can’t calm down anyway?” “Why try if I always return to old patterns?”
Breakthrough Moment: When the War Ends
My own breakthrough was not spectacular. There were no fireworks or mystical visions. It was an ordinary Tuesday evening when I was sitting on the floor in my room, surrounded by personal development books that weren’t helping. And suddenly I felt… tired.
Not ordinary tiredness. But that deep, existential tiredness, as if every cell in my body was saying: “Enough”.
When You No Longer Have the Strength to Fight
Do you know that feeling? When you’ve tried everything:
- mindfulness meditation
- affirmations
- visualizations
- development workshops
- therapy
- spiritual practices
And yet you still feel that tension, that anxiety, that war within yourself?
It is precisely there, in that tiredness, that something completely different can appear. Not another method. Not a new technique. But a simple question: “What if I don’t have to change?”
This question can change everything.
Reconciliation with the “Imperfect”
I work with the body because the body doesn’t lie. When I touch a client’s tense muscles, they tell a story – a story of struggle, control, resistance.
And then comes a moment when a person simply… lets go. Not because they want to. But because they no longer have the strength to hold on. And then something magical happens – the body begins to open. The breath becomes deeper. Space appears.
It’s the same with your inner war. When you stop fighting the “imperfect” parts of yourself – not because you give up, but because you see their value – something opens up.
I remember Marta, who said during one of the sessions: “I always thought my anger was something bad that I had to fight. But today I feel that it just wants to protect me”. That was her reconciliation – not through eliminating the “bad” part, but by understanding its value.
Who Are You When You Stop Fighting?
When I ask people during workshops: “Who are you?”, I usually hear answers like: “I am a mom”, “I am a programmer”, “I am a person trying to be better”.
But what if you are more than your roles? What if you are more than your efforts?
Your True Nature
Under the layers of masks, under all the roles, under all the efforts – there is something that has always been. Something that doesn’t need improvement. Something that is already complete.
Some call it the soul. Others – consciousness. Still others – simply “I”.
It’s not something you can “achieve” through practice. It’s something you already have. It’s something you are.
When I work with a client’s body, there often comes a moment when all layers of tension fall away. And then there is only presence. Only being. Unconditional, simple being.
It’s not a state that can be measured or evaluated. It’s a state where evaluating simply ceases to matter.
The Freedom to Be Yourself
Michael, one of my clients, once said something that stayed with me forever: “All my life I was afraid that if I stopped controlling myself, everything would fall apart. And now I feel that if I keep controlling myself, that’s when everything will fall apart”.
Freedom is not about always being calm or always aware. Freedom is about being everything – anxious, lost, joyful, calm – and all of it is still part of you.
You no longer have to take a daily exam on being “good enough”.
The Practice of Peace Instead of Struggle
Theorizing about inner peace is easy. But what does it look like in practice? How to live without constant struggle with yourself?
Presence as a Way of Life
During one of the workshops, I asked participants to just be for five minutes. Not to meditate, not to focus on their breath, not to try to be calm. Just to be.
For many, it was harder than the most advanced meditation techniques. Because being present is not a technique – it’s acceptance of what is.
Try it now. Stop for a moment. Feel your body touching the chair or the floor. Feel your breath. Hear the sounds around you. You don’t have to do anything with it. Just be.
This is true presence – not as something you do, but as something you are.
The Body as a Path to Peace
We often forget that we have a body. We live in our heads, in thoughts, in the future or the past.
And the body is always here and now. And it can be your best guide to peace.
When you feel the inner war, try to return to the body:
- Place your hand on your heart and feel its beat
- Focus on your feet touching the floor
- Feel the breath in your belly, without changing it
Your body doesn’t judge. It just is. And it can teach you how to be.
Love Instead of Improvement
I’ve met many people who called themselves “conscious”, but deep down hated themselves for every “unconscious” moment.
True consciousness is not about eliminating “bad” parts. It’s about loving the whole.
Next time you feel a difficult emotion or thought, instead of trying to change it, try saying to yourself: “This too is a part of me. And this part also deserves love.”
It’s not easy. But with each such moment, the inner war will weaken, and peace will strengthen.
The End of Searching, the Beginning of Being
Some time ago, I worked with a client who had been attending various development workshops for 20 years. She had been searching for “her true self” for two decades. And during our session, she confessed with tears: “I feel like I’ve been searching all my life for something that has always been with me”.
Stop Fixing, Start Loving
You are not a problem to be solved. You are a human being who deserves love – exactly as you are.
Does this mean you won’t grow? Quite the opposite. True growth begins when you stop fixing yourself and start accepting. The paradox is that when you stop fighting what is – space opens up for true change.
The Joy of Life Without Pressure
During the last workshop, I asked participants: “When do you feel true joy?”. Most answers were not about great achievements or moments of “dream fulfillment”. They were about simple moments – when you watch a sunset, when you laugh with friends, when you just are.
True joy doesn’t require perfection. It requires presence.
Conclusion: Your Invitation to Peace
Inner war is not a natural state. It’s something we learned. And we can unlearn it.
You no longer have to fight. You no longer have to control yourself. You no longer have to prove your worth.
You already are everything you need to be.
A Practical Path to Peace
Inner war begins with not accepting yourself. The moment of tiredness can be the beginning of freedom. Peace comes when you stop fixing yourself and start simply being. Self-love – not as an ideal, but as a human with all their “imperfections” – is the shortest path to peace.
Love Yourself Now
Not in a week, not in a year, not when you become a “good enough” person.
Now.
You are human. A living, feeling, imperfect, beautiful human. And that’s enough.
Give yourself a break – because you deserve it.
0 Comments