I arrived at the place where my first ever Lomi Lomi Nui massage course was to take place. I parked by a beautiful house. All around was nature: meadows, forests, fresh air, and peace.
The door was opened by my massage teacher. She smiled, opened her arms, and without a hint of doubt, hugged me in greeting…
And inside me… Umm… Alarm! The warning lights of a programmed security system lit up… Alarm! Alarm! Something is not right here… So many contradictions within me: because it’s not appropriate to immediately fall into the arms of a stranger.
Is she seducing me? What will my girlfriend think? Is this already cheating? No! After all, nothing bad is happening. But should I – after all, she is so close?
The skin around my mouth twists into a fake smile, and my eyes and muscles stiffen. This hug is lasting a long time. 1, 2, 3 seconds… Is something bad happening? It’s even pleasant. From her arms flows care and joy. Yet, shouldn’t I be going back? In 4 seconds of a welcoming hug, a multitude of conflicting associations and visions appeared in my head. And yet everything was good. At that time, I didn’t know that in this welcoming closeness, my transformation began.
The Boundary of Safety in Private Space
Each of us has a spatial safety boundary set by ourselves, beyond which lies the so-called intimate space, accessible only to those most trusted.
If during a face-to-face conversation, our safe space boundary is crossed, we almost immediately correct it. We take a step back and everything is fine again 😉
Once, I allowed myself to conduct an experiment. I decided to engage a colleague in conversation, who was perfect for this because her safety boundary was significantly expanded. During an interesting discourse, I gradually moved closer to her, and she instinctively moved away from me. Only after covering 5 meters, when I admitted the purposefulness of my actions, did she notice that our location had significantly changed.
In this boundary of safety and the stiffness of welcoming waves and handshakes are contained ordinary agreements related to the sense of comfort, but also multi-generational fears of an enslaved nation. A lost community, robbed of trust in what is outside and what is new. We thus nurture our comfort zone, deluding ourselves that it keeps us safe. But nothing could be further from the truth, because the reason for nurturing it is constantly fear, which in turn causes us to stand still. We would like to change something in our lives, but at the same time, it is difficult for us to decide on this change, as in our perception it would involve a loss. We talk a lot about it, but we do not translate it into action.
We seem to live, but as if we were dead. Wake up – work to be done – home – TV – computer – sleep – wakeupworkhometvcomputer…
We even know that the “new” always replaces the “old”, often even for the better.
So what is the key to change? Trust and taking a step into the unknown, a step beyond our safety zone and experiencing that discomfort.
And How Does This Relate to Massage?
Lomi Lomi massage sessions and tantric massage are great opportunities to confront our established sense of safe space. The basis of Lomi Lomi Nui massage is working with the forearms. Closeness is unavoidable here and is also the seed of our transformation. The masseur embraces us with their forearms. In this closeness, if the masseur’s intention is correct, the subconscious receives a signal that everything is good and safe. Minute by minute, we relax our mind, and then our muscles relax. In place of fears and uncertainties, trust and bliss appear. The masseur is close, but we do not feel overstepped or exploited, the situation is quite the opposite.
We receive a tender, safe, and selfless touch. Happiness hormones are produced in the body. The subconscious recognizes a signal known to it since birth. The moment when mom held us in her arms and cuddled us. This association gives an extraordinary sense of security, shelter, but also a longing for the closeness we have so far denied ourselves, or which we could not receive from our loved ones. What we could not express that we need.
That is why in such situations during Lomi Lomi Nui massage tears appear. We are social beings and for good well-being and health, closeness is essential for us.
Closeness in Tantric Massage
Similarly, but somewhat more intensely and effectively, closeness works in tantric massage. Here the bar is set a bit higher. By what? By nudity and at times even greater closeness. We know very well how our subconscious can react to this situation: nudity + closeness = “kizi mizi”, which means fear, blockage, or anxiety may arise. We don’t want this, because we came for a massage and contrary to fears, this is indeed the case. In the closeness of tantric massage, there is a breakthrough in recognition. Fears may be much stronger, but the result of changing our previous assumptions, not only about closeness, is much more significant and effective.
Our body learns in this trust a new approach: nudity + closeness = massage, relaxation, bliss, respect, safety, change, joy. Our previous assumptions disintegrate. A new recognition is formed in full trust in the new process. The safety boundary no longer has the same significance as before. Fear and worries disappear, and in their place, confidence, strength, and power appear.
In tantric massage, especially in the Kashmiri version, closeness evokes extremely strong reactions and associations. On one hand, it may evoke self-criticism related to submissiveness, or partnership dependency and doubts about what I can and should not do. On the other hand, it allows for even fuller entry into pleasure and significantly broadens its spectrum. If the session is carefully conducted, a positive recognition may be the realization that the massage is my individual process, and the masseur is the person conducting the session, not a lover. Especially since in tantric massage we have at our disposal such safety measures as: setting boundaries and possibly narrowing them during the session if fears prove stronger than us.
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