Closeness from a masseur’s point of view – a short story
I arrived at the place where my first ever Lomi Lomi Nui massage course was to take place. I parked at a beautiful house. All around was nature: meadows, woods, fresh air and peace.
The door of the house was opened by my massage teacher. She smiled, opened her arms and without a shadow of a doubt welcomed me… And in me… Er… Alarm! The warning lights of the programmed security system came on… Alarm! Alarm! Something is wrong here… How many contradictions there were in me: because it is not appropriate to fall into the arms of a strange woman right away. Is she seducing me? What will my girlfriend think? Is this betrayal? No! Nothing bad is happening. But should I – after all, she is so close? The skin around my mouth curves in a fake smile, and my eyes and muscles stiffen. Something takes a long time in this hug. 1, 2, 3 seconds… Is something bad happening? It’s even pleasant. Care and joy flow from her shoulders. But shouldn’t I go back? In the 4 seconds of the welcoming hug, a myriad of conflicting associations and visions popped into my head. And yet it was all good. At the time I didn’t yet know that in that welcoming closeness my transformation had begun.
Closeness and the limit of security in private space
Each of us has a self-determined spatial boundary of safety, behind which there is the so-called intimate, close space, to which only those most trusted – our loved ones – have access.
If, during a face-to-face conversation, our border of safe space is crossed, it is almost immediately corrected by us. We take a step back and everything is fine 😉
I once let myself do an experiment. I decided to engage in a conversation with a colleague, who was perfect for it, because her safe space boundary was significantly extended. During an interesting discourse, I was getting closer to her with small steps and she instinctively moved away from me. It was only after walking 5 metres, when I acknowledged the purposefulness of the action, that she noticed that our place had changed considerably.
Embedded in this boundary of security and the stiffness of welcoming waves and handshakes are the usual comfort arrangements, but also the several generations of fears of an enslaved people. A lost community, robbed of its trust in what is outside and in what is new. So we nurture our comfort zone, deluding ourselves that it makes us safe. But nothing could be further from the truth, because the reason for nurturing is fear, which in turn makes us stand still. We would like to change something in our lives, but at the same time we find it difficult to decide for this change, because in our feeling it would involve a loss. We talk about it a lot, but we do not translate it into action. We seem to be alive, but we seem to be dead. Wake up – work to do – home – TV – computer – sleep – wake up – work at home – TV – computer…
We even know now that the “old” is always replaced by the “new”, often for the better.
So what is the key to change? Trust, closeness and taking a step into the unknown, a step out of our safety zone and experiencing this discomfort.
Closeness and how does this relate to massage?
Lomi Lomi and Tantric massage sessions are great opportunities to face your findings of feeling safe. The basis of Lomi Lomi Nui massage is working with the forearms. Proximity is inevitable here and is also the seed of our transformation. The masseur embraces us with his forearms. In this closeness, if the intention of the masseur is right, the subconscious receives a signal that everything is good and safe. Minute by minute, we relax our mind and our muscles follow. In place of fear and uncertainty comes trust and bliss. The masseur is close, but we don’t feel overrun or used, the situation is quite the opposite. We receive a tender, safe and selfless touch. Hormones of happiness are produced in the body. The subconscious recognises the signal it has known since birth. The moment when our mother held us in her arms and cradled us in her embrace. This association gives an extraordinary sense of security, shelter, but also a longing for the closeness that we have so far denied ourselves, or that we could not receive from our loved ones. What we have not been able to express that we need. That is why tears come to Lomi Lomi Nui massage in such situations. We are herd creatures and for our well-being and health, closeness is essential.
Intimacy in tantric massage
Similarly, but a little more intensely and effectively, closeness works in tantric massage. Here the bar is raised a bit higher. Through what? Through nakedness and sometimes even greater closeness. We know very well how our subconscious can react to this situation: nudity + closeness = “kizi mizi”, i.e. fear, blockade, fear can appear. After all, we do not want this, because we have come for a massage and despite our fears, this is in fact the case. In the closeness at a tantric massage, the recognition is broken. The fears may be much stronger, but the result of changing our previous assumptions, not only about intimacy, is much more significant and effective. Our body learns a new approach in this trust: nakedness + closeness = massage, relaxation, bliss, respect, safety, change, joy. Our previous assumptions are shattered. A new recognition is created in full trust of the new process. The boundary of safety no longer has the same meaning as before. Fear and anxiety disappear and in their place comes confidence, strength and power.
In tantric massage, and especially in the Kashmir version, closeness evokes extremely strong reactions and associations. On the one hand, it can evoke self-criticism, connected with submissiveness or partner dependence and doubts about what I can and cannot do. On the other hand, it allows you to enter into pleasure even more fully and widen its spectrum considerably. If the session is carefully guided, a positive recognition can be the realisation that the massage is my individual process and the masseur the person conducting the session, not my lover. Especially since in tantric massage we have health and safety measures such as setting boundaries and possibly narrowing them during the session if fears prove stronger than we are.